Valentine's Day: How to Even-out the Score

Valentine's Day is one of my favorite holidays (Hallmark holiday or not). It is an opportunity to express to what extent we care about one another, which is why many feel pressured to have extravagant plans for their partners on February 14th. I'm here to tell you why it's OK not to stress over your plans yet still have a meaningful way to say "I Love You."

Don't go overboard for your lady.
Here's the secret: If you really want to impress your lady on Valentine's Day, give her something small every day for the entire week of Valentine's Day.

Here's why: Women and men "keep score" in relationships in very different ways from one another. Women will give one point for everything they consider a good deed, no matter how big or small.  Bringing home a $15 Chinese dinner has the same point value (1 point) as bringing home a $100 steak dinner (1 point).  One accumulates points by doing something small more often to express his or her care. For example, one flower per day for seven days = 7 points. Seven flowers at one time = 1 point.

Go big or go home for your man.
Here's the secret: Make your man feel special when you need to make him feel special: Valentine's Day, his birthday, and Christmas. Take it easy the rest of the year.

Here's why: Men's internal scorekeepers are a little different from women's.  Men are able to give more than one point for what they consider a good deed. Points can then be stored in their internal point vaults to be accessed whenever necessary.  One accumulates points by doing something bigger but less often to express his or her care. This Valentine's Day, making him a steak dinner (50 points), giving him the latest technology (100 points), and planning an intimate evening (or whatever else is very special to him worth 500 points) will probably rack up enough points to last for quite some time.

I'm no marriage counselor, but I've read some books.  Relationship Expert Mark Gungor knows what I'm talking about... Watch his lecture here.

Wishing many love points upon you,

Katie :)

P.S. Related post: Single Ladies' Guide to Enjoying Valentine's Day.  Photo at the top of this post courtesy of Jenn Aycox, Photographer.

Life: My Sugar-Free Diet

Here's my interview with myself about my sugar-free diet.  It's just an introduction, for my own records, if nothing else. Enjoy!

Why would you take sugar out of your diet?
For as long as I can remember, I've had a daily struggle with sinus congestion, chest congestion, and headaches.  After a number of useless doctor appointments, ineffective medications, and even a painful nasal surgery (that may have made things worse), I decided to take matters into my own hands.  I learned in a college Nutrition class that almost all ailments can either be cured or lessened in severity with diet alone.  Thus begun my determination to cure my mild symptoms with my diet.

How do you think eliminating sugar will help the problem?
You are what you eat!  I cannot stress that enough.  Nearly everything you ingest becomes a part of the make-up of your body.  It sounds trivial, but we seem to forget this concept when sitting in the McDonald's drive-thru with growling tummies. Keeping this in mind, I considered the substances in my diet that could be potentially harmful: processed food and fast food. These foods usually offer little nutritional value (fiber, protein, vitamins, minerals, etc.). If they do have nutritional value, they usually also include tremendous amounts of potentially harmful ingredients (hydrogenated oils, saturated fats, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, etc.).  Eliminating sugar from my diet will help me avoid these types of foods and, hopefully, provide me with relief from my sinus congestion.

How do you plan on going about this new diet?
I decided to use a step-system (making a series of smaller goals to achieve a larger long-term goal).  I'm starting by eliminating sugar from my diet.  Or, so I thought. Turns out, EVERYTHING has sugar in it.  Even at work, I had to start packing my lunch because few quick-service restaurants close by that offered healthy/sugar-free options.  Alas, I have decided to begin by eliminating white sugar only and choosing more whole-grain products (whole-grain bagels from Panera Bread are my favorite now).  Fructose and Lactose are acceptable forms of sugar for me.  Visit ChooseMyPlate.gov for information about healthy eating and customizing a diet for your needs.

Isn't it difficult to follow a sugar-free diet? Have you ever "relapsed?" 
I found it particularly difficult to follow the diet over the holidays, while on vacation, and when I'm with friends who aren't following the same diet. Even though I've had a few slip-ups, I feel healthier than ever. By significantly reducing my sugar intake, I have unintentionally tricked myself into drinking more water and eating a variety of vegetables, fruit, and meats.  The longer I go without consuming processed sugar, the less I desire to consume it because I don't want to sacrifice how healthy I feel for a few minutes of indulgence. Here's a great basic guacamole recipe for a delicious sugar-free snack.

How do you cope with cravings?
If you have sugar/chocolate cravings, you probably aren't getting enough to eat during the day and your body has used up all the carbohydrates you gave it for breakfast.  Because you aren't eating enough, your body craves the most basic forms of carbohydrates (aka, sugar) for energy.  This is the reason why many people have night-time sugar cravings.  If you are able to maintain a variety of carbs throughout the day, you can significantly reduce your cravings.  Things like vegetables, whole grain breads and noodles, and fruits will provide variety.  I notice myself getting hungry about every two or three hours, but if I have a healthy snack or meal at that time, I eliminate the desire to eat everything in sight at the end of the day.  Check out WebMD's tips for controlling sugar cravings.

Lots of love and healthy choices,
Katie

P.S. I forgot to mention: I've also lost weight (which wasn't the intention, but it doesn't hurt).  In just a couple weeks, friends have noticed a difference and have been complimenting my appearance. Compliments never hurt! :)

Life: Things I Would Tell Younger Katie

I'm still very young, but I've learned quite a bit in my 22+ years on this earth. Here's some advice I'd give my younger self based on what I know now. I imagine that 20 years from now, I'll look back on being 22 and have different advice. But, for now, maybe I can inspire some of the young females in my life (and maybe, too, those that aren't) with things I've learned so far.

1. Surround yourself with people that encourage you. Negative/Toxic personalities are common, discouraging, and will rub off on you if you spend too much time around them. Don't ever think you can change a toxic person; you can't change people who don't want to change themselves.
2. Being intelligent does not mean getting straight A's in school. 
3. When meeting someone new and he or she seems to be acting like a goon, show compassion first.
4. Make other people happy, but not at your own expense. Life is like a pitcher of lemonade and a lot of empty glasses. You have to keep your pitcher full if you're going to fill everyone else's empty glass.
5. Nothing positive is accomplished by being jealous.  Encourage the women in your life, be compassionate and understanding, and tell them how pretty you think they are as often as possible.
6. You already have confidence, class, intelligence, and more friends than you can count.  Realize it already.  You are better than you think you are.
7. Spending money on things that make you or someone happy is never, ever a waste. You can't take your money with you when you die.
8. Stick with something long enough to become good at it. I know you're a big fan of changes, but it's OK to be familiar with something too.
9. Whether it takes you 10 minutes or 10 years to get over something tragic, life does, in fact, go on. So, you might as well get over it sooner rather than later.
10. I think Drake said it best, "everybody dies, but not everybody lives." Try new things, expand your comfort zone as often as possible, and Carpe Diem, no matter what your parents say (No offense, parents). It is important that you do things that make you feel free, fulfilled, without regret, and truly happy.  Don't waste your time wondering "what if."

 Katie

Life: The Single Ladies' Guide to Enjoying Valentine's Day.

All my single ladies!  Valentine's Day is one of the single person's most hated holidays, but I think there's one thing these singles need to remember on February 14th. Valentine's Day is about love, not lovers. Whether your love is for yourself or for others (family, for example), you should take this opportunity to express it!  Here are some ways to embrace being single on Valentine's Day:

Love thyself:

1. Read a book, such as a self-help book that provides advice to help single women embrace the single life and also gives helpful dating tips and advice. Help yourself figure out what you want, how to get it, and why you shouldn't settle for anything less. 

2. Have an at-home spa evening. Go to your local cosmetics store, get some mid- to upper-price range products (facial mask, sugar scrub, hair moisture treatment, mani/pedi kit, etc.), and get to pampering!  

3. Send flowers to yourself. Flowers are Mother Nature's love letter, and on her behalf, "you're welcome." 

4. Make a "Happy" playlist. Include songs that make you feel good, make you want to dance, or bring back good memories. Rock out to it all day! 

Love thy neighbor: 

1. To play off of the previous suggestions, have a single ladies spa night. Get all your single friends together, have everyone bring a different pampering product, and have a peaceful ladies night. 

2. Take your friends out for ice cream or stay home and bake heart-shaped cupcakes! Here is a heart-shaped mold you could buy to do so. :) 

3. Consider the people who do services for you.  Give a valentine to your favorite waitress at your favorite restaurant, your hair stylist, your house cleaner, your mailman, etc. These people spend more than enough time to make your life easier, so honoring them is important to your relationship. Take this opportunity to remind them that you don't take them for granted. 

4. Send cards to all the important people in your life. Not only will those people feel cherished and remembered, but it will help you to remember all the wonderful people you have in your life. Since Valentine's Day is about your expression of love, make each person feel special. Send a personalized e-card or even a phone call! 

5. Surprise someone anonymously. Maybe your co-worker, your best friend, or your sibling. This is especially appreciated by people who are upset about not having a Valentine.

Still bitter?

1. Have a singles support night with your other single friends. If this day is truly difficult for you, or for other single girls you know, don't act like it's not. Take the evening to grieve, eat a tub of ice cream, and move on. Start something new and fun! 

2. Buy yourself some Bittersweets(TM); "Valentine's Day candy for the rest of us." 

"We can only learn to love by loving." 

- Iris Murdoch

Katie

P.S. If you have a Valentine to dress up for, check out Kandee Johnson's Valentine's Day date Make-up!

Life: Following your Dream

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -Martin Luther King Jr.

Martin's dream was a society where everyone is treated equally.  He dedicated his life to promoting his dream and, as a result, created positive changes throughout world.  He had the courage and determination to share his dream with the world.

Maybe you have a dream that you've been suppressing because it's unrealistic, embarrassing, or "not the right time."  Boy, do I have news for you: you're wrong. 

Here's 12 LIES People Tell you About Pursuing your Dreams:

1. You’re screwed if it doesn’t work out. Probably not.  Worst case scenario, you find something else to do or go back to what you would have done had you not followed your dream.
2. You weren’t cut out for that. Says who?  Ok, so maybe you don't fit the stereotype, but when did you start caring about stereotypes?  If anything, you'll stand out.  Which brings me to my next point...
3. You’re going to be the next ____.  No, you’re the next YOU. Don’t follow the mold, just be yourself. 

4. You can follow your dream someday. No, thanks.  Make it happen now.  "Someday" may never come.  I never wanted to be that person who spent 15 years doing a job I hate before pursuing my dreams.  Why wait?
5. Only a few people “make it” or it's impossible. You have a one in a million chance. Actually, it's probably less.  Yes, it's impossible...for them.  They lack the drive, determination, and will that you have to make it happen.
6. Your dream is unrealistic. What’s unrealistic is trying to live your life working at a job you don’t love doing something you hate for the rest of your life while regretting trying to live your dream.
7. Just be safe and get a normal job. Actually, this is probably the most UNSAFE route.  Not only will you be miserable and unsuccessful doing what yo do, but what happens if you get fired? When you’re pursuing your dream, you’re the only one that can stop you.
8. You would have to do so much work/be under so much pressure to do that. If you know what you want, you'll be willing to do what it takes to get there. To you it’s not work, it’s what you want to do with your life.
9. You won’t need a backup plan. Well, um, yeah, you probably do.  Doing what you love doesn't necessarily mean you'll make millions right away.  However, you can use your talent or perfect your dream by doing something that's not quite what you wanted, but very similar.  Become good at more than one thing. 
10. You can't make a living doing that. If you can find an avenue that will allow you to be paid for what you do, you can absolutely make a living off of it.  Think of all the people who are being paid to do something uncommon or, at first glance, unprofitable.
11. You'll probably fail. We learn from experience, and experience usually brings about failures. Any successful entrepreneur will tell you that failures are just steps towards success. If you can’t handle failure, then success is going to be very difficult to achieve.
12. You have to do this, this, and this to do that. Wrong. "Follow what you believe and find your own way to achieve your dream. Studying those who have succeeded in the same field helps, but copying won’t get you anywhere." - R. Vora

In summary, don't accept discouragement.  Don't let other people tell you what your dream is, because only you can really know.  The only person that can get in the way of your success is you. Dare to dream and put that dream into action.

Now go own the world.

Katie

Life: My Bucket List

During my lifetime, I would like to...

• Set foot on all continents.
• Obtain a culinary arts degree.
• Help someone find love/happiness.
• Speak another language fluently.
• Interview someone who is famous for respectable reasons.
• Create something that will outlive me.
  

"Many a false step was made by standing still" - my fortune cookie.

Katie

Life: Elite Education

I just read this article on the disadvantages of elite education written by William Deresiewicz. I think this was my favorite paragraph...


"If one of the disadvantages of an elite education is the temptation it offers to mediocrity, another is the temptation it offers to security. When parents explain why they work so hard to give their children the best possible education, they invariably say it is because of the opportunities it opens up. But what of the opportunities it shuts down? An elite education gives you the chance to be rich—which is, after all, what we’re talking about—but it takes away the chance not to be. Yet the opportunity not to be rich is one of the greatest opportunities with which young Americans have been blessed. We live in a society that is itself so wealthy that it can afford to provide a decent living to whole classes of people who in other countries exist (or in earlier times existed) on the brink of poverty or, at least, of indignity. You can live comfortably in the United States as a schoolteacher, or a community organizer, or a civil rights lawyer, or an artist—that is, by any reasonable definition of comfort. You have to live in an ordinary house instead of an apartment in Manhattan or a mansion in L.A.; you have to drive a Honda instead of a BMW or a Hummer; you have to vacation in Florida instead of Barbados or Paris, but what are such losses when set against the opportunity to do work you believe in, work you’re suited for, work you love, every day of your life?"

You can read the rest of this article HERE


Katie

Life: Becoming and Staying Motivated

Motivation is a major part of having a successful and fulfilling life.  Below I have listed some ways to help you become, or stay, motivated.

It is important to understand that there are two categories of motivation: positive and negative.   Negative motivation occurs when we are driven by losing something including our jobs, money, friends, etc, and a sense of fear is triggered in our brain.  Positive motivation comes from our curiosity and desire to serve.  If you are not curious about something, you are less likely to do it.  It is important to keep yourself in a positive mindset to continue to be motivated. Having a negative mindset could lead to a self-destructive pattern.

Katie's Methods for Becoming and Staying Motivated:

1. Clean up
Your house. Your e-mail inbox. Your work space. Get rid of the unimportant things.

2. Exercise
For most people, getting started is the hardest part. This really is the easiest way to get motivated. You don't need to do an hour of cardio, just get up and go for a brisk walk. Bonus points if you spend time outside! De-clutter your physical being and get those endorphins moving. Endorphins = happy = positive motivation.

3. Affirmations
Write clear goals and talk about them with friends and family. Say them out loud. Talking about your projects with other people will give you accountability to have things done when you said you'd have things done.

4. Keep yourself inspired
Put on some good music and surround yourself with positive people. Make your workspace yours by arranging it the way you want to, incorporating things that represent you, and customizing it to look the way that helps you be more productive. Switch tasks if you find yourself losing interest or becoming frustrated. Keep track of success and breakthroughs and read other success stories. For the love of god, get away from whiny people who like to complain.

5. Learn how to say "No."
To anything that will disrupt your focus. Limit your promises and don't make daily life a chore.

6. Accept failure
If you aim too high, you're setting yourself up for failure. Similarly, if you take on too much at once it can become overwhelming. It is important to balance your workload, and when you have done that and still fail, learn. Failure is just one of two possible outcomes. Pick up, learn, and move on.

7. Most importantly... LAUGH
Watch funny movies, read jokes, or keep a stash of funny pictures at your work station. Try not to keep a serious look on your face. Play some games. Relax your mind. JUST LAUGH!

The harsh truths:
1. You have the ability to fail.
Unless you're in a superhero movie, you won't succeed at everything you do. Things won't always o your way. However, if you never try, how can you succeed? Being afraid of failure is one reason negative motivation exists. Don't let it eat you alive.

2. Only you can transform your life.
If you want to make big changes, you can't let anyone hold you back. There is only so much you can do if you rely on others.

Thanks for reading! I hope you're all tremendously motivated!

Katie